First REAL Day

Friday was my official first day as a deputy sheriff. I had to sit through orientation. It was for all new County employees. Of course, like all firsts (first day of school, new job, first date, etc), I was a little nervous. All of that vanished when I opened the door. I saw a friend of mine from college. We had met my first year. He was an RA on the first floor of my dorm. I lived on the second floor. We had a biology class and a calculus class together. He helped me with biology and I helped him with calculus. He became a good friend that year. We lost contact for a little while after my junior year. It was just so good to see him though. We ended up going to have lunch together that day to catch up. It was nice to have a friendly face in that crowd.

Something did bother me during orientation though. The first thing we all did was stand up and say our name and what department we were working for. It was like AA (yes, I have been to an AA meeting-It was for a class, thanks!). My name is _______. And I work in the Sheriff's Office as a deputy sheriff. Well, two other people were also deputies. I should add they were both male. And already certified. Well, during one of our little breaks, one came over and introduced himself to the other male deputy. They chatted for the entire break. I was standing less than a yard away and they IGNORED me. Wow. Thanks for the warm welcome. Can't wait to become as asshole like you guys!

After working out that evening, I suddenly got really down in the dumps. It was strange. I knew I should have been on cloud nine, but I just wasn't there at all. I told MKJ as I went into the gym that I wasn't in a good mood. And it had something to do with not having anyone to share my excitement with (he was working that night). His response is as follows (in 9 text messages):

"Let me put this in perspective. You are now employed by the premier LE agency in the area."
"Everything you worked towards is bearing fruit."
"Some of the busiest weeks of your life are fast approaching."
"This is the time to relax and prepare."
"You should be high as a kite right now."
"If you feel you need to go out call _______, _________, or _______." (mutual friends)
"But don't bitch, because they're are people that would kill for the euphoria you should be feeling right now."
"Practice with that holster, dry-fire with weak and strong hand, finish your questions...and smile! This is what you've fought for!"
"I wonder if I am more excited than you are."

I love him.

I have taken this weekend slow. Still worked out everyday. Still ate well. Still got out and got some sun. Now, I am cleaning because my mother is coming into town tomorrow night--my swearing in is Tuesday morning. My brother may come to.

My best friend called last night and we talked for a while. MKJ knew I was upset about her not knowing/caring about me getting sworn in. I was there bright and early for hers--the day after college graduation! Hungover, but happy. Like a good boyfriend, MKJ texted her to tell her about it. I am glad he did. It means a lot that she be there. She has been there since I realized I wanted to do this in the first place.

Well, I need to work on my questions/dry-fire/clean/contemplate life. Have a good week!

Policy and Procedure

I finally got in touch with the training Sgt for the Sheriff's Office. I had to pick up the Sheriff's Office Policy and Procedure Manual from him. Only when I got there (to the jail--the book, my car and now my apartment all smells like it) was I told how this works:

For each of the 120 policy and procedures, I have to make up 2 questions and then answer them. Each policy is about 7-9 pages front and back. This doesn't seem too hard, but then when the policy is about inspections or about dress code, its tough to find something I can ask a question about. I mean, I can bullshit it all, but I really want to make an effort. Yeah, I want to look good.

This binder (the manual) is huge too. And damnit it still smells like the jail. For anyone that has been in jail (for punishment or for booking a prisoner) you understand the smell a jail has. It smells like steel, piss, and BO. And anger. And aggression. And stupidity. No, I can't tell you what those last three specifically smell like, but there is a smell. Ha. It's gross. Even the clothes I wore there smelled like it. And I didn't even go into the actual jail behind the monitored steel doors--just to the training department. I don't know how those people do it.

Well, I have this week off of work. Last Thursday was my last day at the insurance brokerage house. It was fun while I was there. In a previous post I said "good riddance" about leaving, but that isn't how I really feel. It was more of the fact that I was getting antsy about leaving. I knew what was ahead so I was excited. Anyways, this week has been surprisingly busy. Every morning, I get up at 6. At the gym by about 8:30. Back by about 10. Work on the above policy and procedure manual. Lay out. Work on it again. Then back to the gym in the afternoon (or evening). Make dinner and then work on the policy and procedure manual again. I stay busy.

Tomorrow I have a follow up appointment for my colonoscopy--which, by the way, it's tough to decide which is worse: making sure you don't have a condition or knowing you were passed out and raped for the rest of your life. Ha. Kidding. The doctor gave me PLENTY of medicine to make me pass out. I would wake up during the procedure and ask what something was and before he could answer, I would be passed out again. He did tell me, once I was more coherent, that he did not see any signs of Crohn's disease or anything else that concerned him. He did say he biopsied a few things but nothing serious. WHOO HOO! That is definitely good news.

I am getting excited and anxious about Friday. It is all day orientation for all county employees. Probably be boring. Know it will be boring. Tuesday is what I am looking forward to--getting sworn in! My mother is coming into town for it. MKJ and his mother (maybe) will be there. Very exciting!

Sorry for not being more up to date. I'll try harder...I promise!

Cops and Colons (lots of asses going on!)

Since MKJ is a police officer, I ride with him sometimes. It's a nice way to spend some time with him when I would otherwise not see him for three days in a row. Last night, I rode with him from about 7 PM until 6 AM. We had a good time. His agency is small and they were jokingly complaining about his penmanship on his tickets making it difficult to formulate and arrange the court docket. So, since I was riding and I need to learn to write tickets anyway, he made me write all of his warning and state tickets. We arrested some kid and he made me do the booking report too. By the time we got back from the jail, it was almost time to leave--well, we didn't want to get into anything that would require going back to the jail or producing more paperwork. We got home as the sun was rising. Then we make breakfast (bacon, egg omelettes, and English muffins--YUM!) and went to sleep for a little while. He has to work tonight, so he will be sleeping more today. I am home now. Just drinking water, ginger ale, and some vanilla pudding...

Raise your hand if you are excited about getting a colonoscopy!?!Fasting all day! Sleeping and doing nothing.







Just thought I would share! HA.

Doctors and Family

Well, the doctor’s appointment went well. Really well. I am on a Prednisone Pack for 6 days. Then I will be put on Humira. FOR-EV-ER (you have to have seen The Sandlot to get that one). Probably not forever, but for a while. It’s a self inject able which is convenient.

Back at the gym everyday. No matter what. At least 30 minutes of cardio and then some weights. I work out with Kate twice a week--one of those days includes her spin class. It’s crunch time. I know I need to start running, but I am going to wait a few more days for that. I am not putting it off, but I just want to make sure my cardio is up for it. Heaven forbid I hurt something. I can’t handle that. Don’t have time.

____________________

I was thinking about family today. In particular, my family. I listen to women talk about how close they are with their mother and how wonderful their relationship is. I am not jealous so much as I am intrigued. My mother and I get along, don’t get me wrong, but not like that. Not in the “let me call her as soon as I hear some good news” or “I need to talk something out and ooo, I’ll call my mom since she is good at listening”. Those thoughts do not come through my mind…and if they do, I call CRR, my future stepmother.

It’s never been a secret that my brother is my mother’s favorite child. I know you say that mother’s can have favorites--well you have never met mine. I have to give her credit that she did stay by my side while I was in the hospital. And it was wonderful. It truly was. We haven’t spent any time together since then, but it could have been a turning point in our relationship. Nonetheless, my father has tried to compensate for this fact ever since I was a child. He paid extra attention to me--we would drive up to go see Duke basketball games on a school night, go to dinner, let me “help” during the rec basketball games, and just stuff like that. My dad is the father who would LOVE taking us to elementary and middle school events (or Skateland) just to hear us--and get to experience that part of life again through our lives. It was obviously unappreciated then, but now, I can’t tell him enough how good of a dad he was to me growing up. Again, don’t get me wrong, he is still there at EVERY SINGLE phone call. Every tear. Every fear. Every triumph. Every disappointment. He’s always there for me. Someone told me that now, my dad isn’t worried about me meeting the wrong guys, but instead, worried about me meeting the right now. Worried--why? He thinks he will lose me. He never could. I’m his little girl. Now my mother…

…She loves me in a way that I don’t understand or see as clearly. I think that now she believes and maybe sees that I am maturing--whatever that means--and she could easily lose her place. She wants to be friends or something of the sort. When I call her with the “good news” or just to chat, she is all mine for about 2 minutes. Then she is scatterbrained. Preoccupied. Vacant. It’s no use to talk to her on the phone. Sometimes, I just don’t understand her. I just hope I do not do the same to my daughter one day.


On my career:
My father is worried. Not worried. Maybe just concerned. Again, I am just his little girl in a pink ballerina outfit prancing through the house on Christmas morning in his eyes. He knows me. He of course is going to be concerned, but he knows that I have a good head on my shoulders and can judge a situation quickly and accurately. He'll ask about my day but will not want to know what happened.

My mother on the other hand is wide ass open about it. She is all about it. I guess she has seen one too many COPS shows. She just wants to stories every night. She is concerned maybe, but not like my father. She is concerned in ways I can't explain. I guess for both of them, neither one saw this coming!

She did say one thing that has stuck with me: "I have always taught you to run away from danger and here you are wanting to run into it."