Funny Story

I read a blog that belongs to a man who has Crohn's and he's funny. Very funny. Here is a great story he wrote about:

Let me transport you too a chilly winter night in the early winter. Must have been about 1998. I am living in Connecticut and decide to take a girl I was dating into the city for a night on the town. We enjoy a nice dinner at Gramercy Tavern (strange how many details I remember from this night). We are walking to a play (Rent..UGH) and I innocently try to slip a fart past a turd. Well, I failed miserably and propelled a liquidy stream down my right leg.

Thank the good lord for my 3/4 length suede jacket, which mostly hides the damage. While it isn't too obvious to others, I still have issues to deal with. Great, now what? As panic start to step in, I coolly collect myself and begin to formulate a plan. I will use my Swiss Army Knife to cut my underwear off! BRILLIANT! But wait, the keys jingling are going to give me away. So before I set about this operation, I remove the knife from the key chain. I open it up, slide my hand down the side of Gap Khakis.

Over the course of several blocks and 15 minutes, all while maintaining a conversation on how great the meal was, how awesome Savage Garden and BackStreet Boys are (hey its 1998) I proceed to cut my FAVORITE BOXERS off. And no..despite discussing Backstreet and going to see Rent...I am not gay. So anyhow, I am making progress. It takes another block while I shake, wiggle and shimmy until I smoothly expel the soiled underpants out my pants let and onto the sidewalk in front of a Chinese takeout restaurant!

I look back longingly at my trusty (and dirty) friends, and briefly wonder if I should fess up just so I can rescue them from the feet that will surely trample them (Honey, did you step in dog poo?). Begrudgingly I forge ahead, all the while wondering if I will ever be able to replace them. Never once did my date figure it out. Believe it or not, I went on to marry this woman. Maybe this shitty date should have been a sign of things to come....but that's another story for another blog.

I guess you have to understand Crohn's. And no, I have never shit my pants.

Wow, I've been a slacker on keeping this up to date

Well, allow me to apologize for not maintaining my site. It's been a crazy few months.

September: Went to the police academy. Met some great people. I did great on my first three tests. Then week four came...

October: Week four: driving and firearms qualifications. Let me say, I kicked some butt on driving. We had to drive the course between 4:00 and 4:30. I did it in 4:03. The fastest times for the females! Firearms: I failed. Yeah, I failed. Horrible day. Never felt like I had let so many people down in my life. I will tell you one thing, the girls I had met there were wonderful...they took my keys from me and packed up my car while I was in the office doing the un-registration paperwork. I will always love them for that.

November: I was in training, waiting for a spot to open up at the academy for me to go back.

December: Went back! Aced firearms (200/220). Met more people who were just as great.

January 11th, 2008: I graduated from the academy. Both sets of parents came. And so did my best friend and her fiance! It was great! And of course my wonderful boyfriend was there too! I have never seen him so proud! It was a wonderful feeling.

I have been in training since graduation and up until March 11th. I had my release board and was set out on my own. OH MY GOSH, are they sure they know what they are doing??! HA.

I have been at Radar Certification class the last two days too.

Ok, I know it's been a very rough catch up, but it's pretty accurate. Yes, I saw some great things while I was in training (shootings, fights, assaults, CDV, good stuff like that) but now it is my turn to see it on my own.

I'll try to keep this more up to date. I promise. Don't hate me!

Take care and be safe out there!!!